Friday, April 25, 2008
How To Make Football Shoulder Pads
My last post ... it seems as if all previous entries works of past times. Faded time. I wonder at that time feelings, they can understand in some places. That represents an interesting experience. In the last two months I've changed a little bit of character. This change is in its bloom, but puberty is its monarchy.
Different extremes have changed or strengthened. Or both. My hatred of humanity is greater from day to day, my love of nature keeps up. But about these changes I would like another time. This entry is therefore more like a diary. For more profound note your subsequent messages. I will work from now to earlier. At the moment I write
with my true friend. I will probably know later, much more to tell about it. But at the moment, unsichbare wall stands between us. A wall of glass. I would also not respond. I have not written anything important to what they could write a novel. Ouch. She answered not, but MSN has its name changed. "The love of disguises its thorns with beauty - but at their tips to expect the most cruel of all poisons. "Apparently a quotation. I will believe it. Why me take this MSN name so? Explain I may have some other time now I have to say any more than that he does . For the first time since we have come so close I wished that she is at. to food. But I do not think that this happens soon. I probably see me as offline. I can not stand it anymore. If we fight or even a (dispute have it much worse than anyone else, because we struggle with the same weapons, same beats, same techniques. We are so similar that a dispute will inevitably in a bloodbath ends. This is perhaps the flip side of a soul mate.
you asked me actually, if everything was okey. And apparently it was itself was not bad in common ... maybe I set too negative? And make a Goldcrest a swan?
Enough of that. I think I'm just too tired for it. The last day I went to bed pretty early to be going to my cold. Each time by one to two clock in the morning. Stand up I'm ten ten steps each morning. I think my sleep pattern is improving accordingly. At half past nine to come down would be my wish, but I'm already very satisfied with ten clock. I must admit it is totally illogical, at first deduct the daily routine of the European time and now that the return projecting pretty soon, looking around to get used to the local. But on this I work. So I can keep in touch with my hand a Swiss and while I spend more time with my family. I miss this - contrary to expectations - already
What brings me to another topic: My Return.. Papierkrammässig hardly anything is done. But my flight is booked. I am registered at the school. And I have a
(!!!) own apartment. To my knowledge, the contract is signed. So my return is guaranteed. I will return FACT! I am alone live ... I can not believe my luck. In the last few weeks / months has crystallized my motto. There is no real theme in the sense that I "force" is to move forward in less good times, but it describes my life pretty well. "No one can ever claim that I had had a boring life." This theme begins with the house fire on the move and that new class to my high school, the bullying this time, my turn to gothic and metal, my love life, the separation of my parents, my annual holiday in Bali mitsammt almost all the relatives here, AP and DOH, the very probable division of my mother's family because of me and my sole Return. Considering that I'm only sixteen years old, I see myself compelled to mention, should continue to run my life in this schedule, I will probably either terrorist, Federal Councillor, President of America, win the Nobel Prize or destroy humanity. If it do not, I would certainly rather boring.
My best friend has fallen very likely. I never thought I could handle, but it hurts me really hard. He assured me that we still have time for each other would. A little jealousy I feel naturally me, he's my best friend and supersedes any other male friends as the unbeaten and unbeatable king, but ... yes, I'm happy for him. His beloved, I do not know either personally or virtually. But I saw pictures of her. It is nice to me, and with her I have a feeling that I find my candle, which he seeks. I really hope so for him. Furthermore
am I got over the loss of my tunnel light. Majority. I still love him more than myself and the pain to see that while he is online, but we have little chance of contact me almost crazy. Since that fateful Saturday and the associated separation contact our level dropped beächtlich. We wrote earlier whenever possible, whenever we were online, so our Korrespondez limited to once a week. Most. I could cry about it. But this has me thinking. Now I know that, even should he start to love me, I will probably go no relationship with him. Although he is the first, because I could really marry (as I'm concerned), with whom I actually wanted to have children! However, I would not vekraften separation. In addition, as much as I love him, he has become my almost does not matter. I mean, apart from my love and my grief about our writing habits I almost never think of him. I did not miss. I have no desire for him about a conversation goes. I hope not even his love. It is not me not care. But he has vacated his position as the second most important man in my "league table". His place is half covered by the other from the United States.
As always, I would have to write much more. Much, much more. But first, I'm tired, I'm sick secondly, thirdly, I can not write while you brush your teeth well and it is already after the fourth one. Just one more thing: If anyone reading this here, I ask that person the Live Journal of Togad (to be found in my Freundeslsite) to be considered. The project Togad do I keep my true friend. Criticism as praise would be more help. I thank reluctant, since it is not certain whether the person reading now is actually there. Expect someone a thank you, he / she write me and I thank you.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
How To Get Rid Of Thy Fat
... Warning: this is probably only a non-profound diary entry, with a lot of self-pity (if I can control myself, it will at least be only between the lines) and a born-again nihilism that accompanies me.
few days ago I floated on clouds of happiness, I swam to the full by the magma of love, I breathed in the fumes of joy. I found myself in part on the highest towers, which has built my happiness ever. And even if I was on the Soil was staying, I hovered a few centimeters above, light-hearted and even easier understanding. Why should I care that I had lost two friends if I were him
have? Why should I learn if I were almost bursting with joy? And why worry about anything but to enjoy my life to the fullest, enjoy myself and to embrace the world do every day when he
comes online? But the happiness of each tower there is a plunge into the depths if one has supported with enthusiasm about the distance too far over the railing?
He: "You know, I think we need time just a little talking to do ... "
Me:" oh my:-S go shooting "
He:" Well, well, I thought it would be now for a few days to go through your head and actually think you have the right to read it anyway. .. I have trouble somehow ... we say ... I say falling in love with someone I do not really know ... and among other things, it means waiting for a crap 6 months and then it is perhaps not that what you have imagined? I suggest we wait and see from the first meeting and then we look further and to be fun ha, I mean it is a bummer for you ... half a year without hugs without nothing it does not break ... " Me: "What exactly, you mean?" He: "That can not love me, without, I know you real ... I mean, we wait for the first meeting and then look further ... "I
:" Hmm .. in other words, I will not say more Schatzi "
He: "Oh yes, that you must have:-D but I would say friendly, because so over 1,000 km away without seeing half a year without knowing really is a crap ... and maybe it's not the real what we have imagined, "I
: You can talk to me for you ^ ^ songwriter no matter what you look like in reality, I fell in love with your person as such ^ ^ I'm concerned you can wait, I know "He
:" It's not about the look of photos lie not so big, it's more about. the person as such and it may well be that we really just do not understand, who knows Oo If one does not look in the eyes and faces, it is always something different ... I would just say wait until July and then really continue watching because it really brings you nothing and I can not without real knowledge of one another in love I'm so sorry ... "
Me:" You're right ^ ^ and I disagree, too (not really), I 'm just saying that I know. I am so far never been wrong (or if, then in the negative and it's been better than I thought) when I met someone from the internet. Most are about have been so, as I imagined. I've said, do what you want ^ ^ I just know how I feel. And nothing will change at most, that it is stronger, "he
". Just see how it plays then in July, looks ok "
(word-for-word translation from Swiss German)
... What was left? ? my other choice than to him agree finally I am pure zero in his opinion I still think his reasons I think he will only take a diplomatic retreat, he probably -... as I've always been afraid since I know him - found someone, because he really loves, who also loves him and he now wants to be with her, but not hurt my feelings. Or he found out that I am so devoted, as I have always told him and as I have forewarned him. In any case, I think he wants it here, just / said, so he can tell at our first meeting in Switzerland: "Oh, I'm sorry, but you are not, as I imagined you." He had previously vowed not to me several times a love? Has he promised me not even
? Previously, he was always sooooo sure, and suddenly - nothing more. Perhaps I am engaging. Maybe I'm selfish and put my health on the Seine. And if it's so - yes, I admit it! So I'm that. I can be unselfish, but I am greedy and selfish. And I think it's fair NOT by him to do first, like he would be sure to twitch his love and after that back!
He has led me into one of the darkest darkness that I have ever had, it was beautiful. But now he pushes me into the sunlight scherrt brutal, is not that I am going blind scherrt, is not that I'm burning scherrt, is not that I suffer.
Right now I think about it, show him this entry, so it knows what he does to me now. For him to say that I would not make it. And yet he should know what he massacre committed against my soul. For, as I have already have made this clear, I love him, out of my innermost as anyone ever, not even me. It is not that he loves me not possibly, I would take that (somehow), it is rather, in what way he says or shows me. If he was not sure of his love so that he could not promise I will! If he had a blow at least apologize for that, but I almost think he is not himself clear.
He: "Oh yes, that you must have:-D but I would say friendly, because so over 1,000 km away without seeing half a year without knowing really is a crap ... and maybe it's not the real what we have imagined, "I
: You can talk to me for you ^ ^ songwriter no matter what you look like in reality, I fell in love with your person as such ^ ^ I'm concerned you can wait, I know "He
:" It's not about the look of photos lie not so big, it's more about. the person as such and it may well be that we really just do not understand, who knows Oo If one does not look in the eyes and faces, it is always something different ... I would just say wait until July and then really continue watching because it really brings you nothing and I can not without real knowledge of one another in love I'm so sorry ... "
Me:" You're right ^ ^ and I disagree, too (not really), I 'm just saying that I know. I am so far never been wrong (or if, then in the negative and it's been better than I thought) when I met someone from the internet. Most are about have been so, as I imagined. I've said, do what you want ^ ^ I just know how I feel. And nothing will change at most, that it is stronger, "he
". Just see how it plays then in July, looks ok "
(word-for-word translation from Swiss German)
... What was left? ? my other choice than to him agree finally I am pure zero in his opinion I still think his reasons I think he will only take a diplomatic retreat, he probably -... as I've always been afraid since I know him - found someone, because he really loves, who also loves him and he now wants to be with her, but not hurt my feelings. Or he found out that I am so devoted, as I have always told him and as I have forewarned him. In any case, I think he wants it here, just / said, so he can tell at our first meeting in Switzerland: "Oh, I'm sorry, but you are not, as I imagined you." He had previously vowed not to me several times a love? Has he promised me not even
? Previously, he was always sooooo sure, and suddenly - nothing more. Perhaps I am engaging. Maybe I'm selfish and put my health on the Seine. And if it's so - yes, I admit it! So I'm that. I can be unselfish, but I am greedy and selfish. And I think it's fair NOT by him to do first, like he would be sure to twitch his love and after that back!
He has led me into one of the darkest darkness that I have ever had, it was beautiful. But now he pushes me into the sunlight scherrt brutal, is not that I am going blind scherrt, is not that I'm burning scherrt, is not that I suffer.
Right now I think about it, show him this entry, so it knows what he does to me now. For him to say that I would not make it. And yet he should know what he massacre committed against my soul. For, as I have already have made this clear, I love him, out of my innermost as anyone ever, not even me. It is not that he loves me not possibly, I would take that (somehow), it is rather, in what way he says or shows me. If he was not sure of his love so that he could not promise I will! If he had a blow at least apologize for that, but I almost think he is not himself clear.
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