Feels Like Chest Infection

Happy new year


Do you know the feeling of absolute sadness? The perfect funeral? The endless flow from unshed tears?
Do you know the feeling that would want to break your heart? As it would restrict only the chest and before that stop?
Do you know the feeling that you could not longer life? As if this grief too great for your soul?
know the feeling you want to die to free your soul crying? To get her out of her hat? From her prison.
Do you know the feeling for hours on end in tears be close to? But never able to shed even just one?
Do you know the fil ...
... of complete helplessness?

If so ... then you know how I feel. It was triggered today by the latest chapter of a story my best friend. Reinforced by the fact that I - in some strange way, infinitely sad - CD of my best friend. What is curious in itself, since it should give me hope and strength. But I believe I have never cried so often with any CD. ... I think I've never cried in any other CD.

Where this is probably for no is of interest. Just like everything else ...

No, not self-communication suffering. Do you know the feeling that steals over you, when you see a child achieve, in what kind of world we live in? If it notices that there is no equality. If it begins to understand the injustices. If it begins to understand that we are killing each other. For nothing. When it realized ... that we destroy ourselves and the world ...
This feeling I have the time. Times more likely to feel the child. The incredible hopelessness. The grief of my own incompetence. I can not change anything. NOTHING! I could blow us all in the air, but nothing would take it. I could blurting out the message ... if it were understood, it would interest anyone. Just another screamer. Just another disturber of the peace pantomime.
Do you know this anger? This unbridled rage. The rage which drives you angry tears in his eyes. Those who swings between anger and despair.

despair ... it dominates me constantly lately. I just read an entry shortly before one of my friends. One, my most important friends. It robs me every time the version that throws me in a hole with their melancholy. and I'm worried the same time it's embarrassing to admit to her that. I want her to call while I was there for them. You would know me, not only my facade. At least I was not entirely different. She knows more than some. Perhaps more than they suspect. I will offer her my hand. But is not my strength.

...

whether I have the strength to be made once there. Actually, I should. After all, it's about my life. And not only for my ... I can not and will explain more fully what a problem there. For all those I know who read this here - is another question where again, if it ever is someone that I do not know who would read my journal - the consequences would be .. . terrible. Maybe not for her as a person. But for them in terms of our friendship, which would probably break it. So I ask those that I know that they used to or will read later: Do not ask, Mellie.

This applies to the other as well. I know that I could not stand up to some point and would release the avalanche. Therefore, for my own peace of mind hardly present: Just do not ask.
Thank you.
Back to the problem. Actually it is a decision problem. At least the problem, which follows the real problem. For all who do not understand: There is a problem. If this problem occurs, it causes another problem. The main problem is indeed horrible, but the second - precisely, the decision problem - takes your last nerve. It is the choice between my pride and my love. to CoRUN Above all, my love. But generally my love for my friends is involved. I can try to describe the problem a bit further: I am very proud. I was always that I will always be. So now I am again. Conceited, proud, narcissistic. Among other things, of course. I jump very reluctantly and awkwardly over my own shadow. I am what I am made of granite, not even trying to change me in mind! Sometimes I have my self some particles repel. Reluctantly. My pride is very strong. He also holds a weakness in my inability I admit. Some things, sports and French, for example, I admit that I'm bad at it. I make jokes about it, however, the two renounce any benefits. While I condemn it as useless, it does not scratch at my pride that I am incapable of it. Not so with things such as chemistry, mathematics, biology. One bad grade will get one of the world. With emphasis being placed on the former and the latter already a 4.5 is considered poor ... accordingly, the world has gone down countless times ...
My pride prevents me that the main problem may occur. If it still does this, there is only one way to maintain my pride. This possibility, however, would break the hearts of my friends, the heart of CoRUN. Some might only scrape, cut, perhaps only, there were scars only. But at least one heart, that my love would be destroyed forever. I talk with him, I realize that I'm using him in close, could never muster the strength for the solution of pride. But once I looking after his back on the journey back home, steals over me the confidence that I could not go on living. Would the solution of pride I would not follow break until the end of my days. My pride was shattered. I had lost all confidence, I would hate me. And maybe all others to, I would only go through them because of this.
other hand, I always said grandly, how loyal I was. This is what I am. If it comes to the death. I would die for any of my friends. Little or no twitch an eyelid. But this is a such a big sacrifice? After the death I am saved, I would not feel, miss anyone. The victims, it is much greater for someone to stay alive, right? To torment every day throughout the world. This is true loyalty, the only true victim.

Proud love ... loving pride. I have a choice. This is the decision problem.
Broken love ... hating pride. I have a choice.

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... we do not live long ', not live as long'! Ohja, in less than a week in Geneva conducted an experiment that could allegedly cause a black lock, then that would engulf all of us. And anything I tell you I've never been so excited about a day! This is everything else in shadow. I personally do not think that this black hole is created, but the idea would be much too nice. But we namely time - only for a second - at, we would indeed be our - and the lives of all other creatures - seal next Wednesday ... Not only the creatures would perish! Any structure built by us, all oh-so adorable Wonder - within seconds they were gone. We would probably not even realize what happened ... and I hope that we would, just so I could enjoy this moment. If I am presenting it to me so ... It will probably be in the morning ... what a nerve, because then I would hold out for an hour in French! Unfair. I probably would be the time point at home. Maybe even on the computer, perhaps at dinner, maybe I would still do their homework - what irony! Also, it would be pretty bad ... I do not see at home, people screaming in fear, they see not break out in panic to their God or in tears. Although I think I will go shopping first, which I would do that. Oh, there is no one glaubn me how much I long for the black hole! This has nothing to do with suicidal thoughts, but with the fulfillment of my deepest desire: the end of humanity.
Before I lose myself in here too far, I would still get rid of something:
to the Balkans grades in my class: I did it! It cost me some trouble, but I've actually put behind me! He is accepted not only by me, but I like him even somehow, I feel at least a little sympathetic.

on - perhaps never-bye!

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Finally - dedication> to my Yama.

So, therefore, first of all a big apology to you, Fanny, because it took so long: I'm really sorry, I just could not do and had to filter out what I want here so important Hini o;

Sun, Friday, 8/22/2008:
It was soooooo early start mitm train up to Greifswald! God, I was broken, but that it cost much less and I've seen you sooner! On the train I want to say not at all great, that was boring xDD The last couple of hours before we finally seen, but then I was pretty jittery, o, I'm just so happy to see you again dolle and was excited! Finally, finally, finally!
And then you were already at the platform - I am insanely happy =) And your friend, then yes, I also met the same - you are such a cute couple> _ \u0026lt;It goes well on each other! And Bella - jaaah, yes I like dogs, but she was really nice (and what you have taught her tricks for xDDD)! True love, I found that we were picked up and our luggage was taken * o *! This is of course not >_\u0026lt;!!
The first thing we have done after we have once again rumgegrinst stupid and embraces us, was: eat! xD "Yeah, well, human needs, I'm sorry xD It was really delicious and so I finally had time to rest really it! Right after that we went even further
.... We had to nja wanted, still get the gift - the little hamster! Even if you had forgotten the photo album - that was just gabs later pick out the hamster xD indeed true n act for themselves xD But the seller was really nice and that was even one that is really known about added. _. - But this other critters gibts then in my net xD ""
When the purchase was over, we are already on your old home xD (formerly the Hotel, blah blah) And I've seen your mother again, that was great> _ \u0026lt;and also your brother - I've unfortunately xD "
coffee and cake gabs so happy, full of delicious * _ *
And your mother can really have a good time = D I like it very much! Next year is also a map again, I promise!
... let me think ....
Ah ... aaaahh .. since then started to rain hats x_X Always mist term weather when I'm with you, man, Yama xD!
I must consider grad when we went for then ....
Well, no matter xP "was to separate the evening so hard already, but it was really nice to be able to say one sentence:" Until tomorrow, "Okay, we said at the Tele, too, but so .... We have indeed seen again, that was the beauty and I wish it was always like that! I need you near me ... really!
Saturday, 8/23/2008:
Are we not in the zoo? And was not bad weather again? xD Nja was nice there =) Even though I was a bit annoyed because some things. Feeding the fish and annoyed The swans seemed fun to make xD "" I was more the terrarium very cool! And the guinea pigs and rabbits were so cute> _ \u0026lt;I'll be absolutely "mine" and "yours" show! The two are really cute!
the Saturday I was also so great because we are good time for us because times were =) boys can girls also quiet time alone, it was almost n drama xD! It was really nice to go shopping with a girlfriend, as if it was perfectly normal! My mother always puts it, that it is a special friendship, if you look at it as normal, but you know there is a something special! You are just very * _ *! Again with you at home - yes, exactly, your apartment, very smart =) - yes the guys are going again - even to go for a walk, but that was before I think and then again to ... Beer (?) To get? - Removed silly moments -! Although we have seen almost entirely away, the evening was really nice! (And I really am amazed that you eat over the Internet was ordered O_O) just a shame that we even had to do it again to the hotel, o;
Sunday, 8/24/2008:
I can not believe it, that you believed me, I had no gift for you xD "But that was the surprise of at least greater! I hope you liked the stuff still! I will not list here, well, that's all up to you =)! Your Gebbie was generally very kind and nice, I found that your friend has taken place already times, so I could congratulate you beautiful =)
When your parents then yes gabs again coffee and cake (and for me your brother to see)! The get-together I miss pretty doll ... and even when we had to go, I was very sad to say goodbye ;___; But I'm coming back (A promise not a threat xD)! On the way back we are was not quite sure how we are running the best because we wanted to borrow still nen film. You've then decided to use "My friend, the water dragon" and I found the film really nice (even if the cattle has annoyed in the beginning xD) was just stupid, that we are extra to McDoof, because we wanted those colored glasses as a reminder and then it no longer existed U_U! Regardless, we had that was worth a lot!
The get-together was also really nice, as then Fred was there and also your Brother came =) The night had to be made by xDD Jaaah, most have done it too well, Yama xD! But I'm also partial to sleep u_u!
The worst was that we knew that it was the last hours ....
Monday, 25/08/2008:
When we went to the station that is was quite the mood on the ground ... (Yeah, we were tired too xD)! Fortunately, we have made some photos - thanks for sending, I'll see you again I always like to >_\u0026lt;!!!
with guys on the side you can not just say goodbye ..... -.- "
We'll meet again =)

Objectively, I know, and I have not told everything in detail, but it had now simply be perpetuated and recorded!

The days when you were really nice, I've enjoyed the time and you already missed the train again! But yes, it was not goodbye forever - it never was and never will be like this I'm up to!

Did you love \u0026lt;3
Taichi

My Brain .com/poptrapica

self-discovery

Today I had once heard the question "Are you doing just so" and earlier in an e-mail a "allegations" of audition . Read I do not know if I should laugh or cry. The question came from someone I did not know the accusation is not. Because during my big question mark. Not that I ever believed, namely I was serious. I'm for it too extreme? Or fickle? Anyone who knows me (as a reference, I could tell Mellie aka Sandfrauchen, she knows me better than anyone else), it should know that I'm acting. But not for my hatred. Via the Internet it is hard to let hatred sound as such, to show him, even if the terms of her completely full. For most shows hatred with insults. Even if I would have to be carried away, However, there was no expression of humanity, not an insult, which would be substantial enough that it would hurt enough. I can scold them as useless, fraudulent, pseudo liable in jegwilligem sense, but to express my hatred in insults, I can not do. So much for the explanation. I did not know that make so many people hate about my thoughts, I find this really amusing. Moreover, those who believe not me, to be happy with it. Who scolds me as a pseudo-Misantrophin should look up the definition. But all in all - I do not care. You're only human after all, is not it? Furthermore
. From the bottom of the already mentioned I would like to mail for me and all (in interest) readers to clarify something, and that my political views, I am left. But not blind, and most of all, patriotic. Who between rights and Patriots can not differentiate, as usual, beat you to the definition. As I've mentioned a thousand times and told: I'm basically neutral compared with a foreigner, I do not even know this. However, when I on it (they) know something, this changes. Either positive (integrated, adapted, good German, patriotic by Switzerland to) or negative (language in the style of "hey, hey man, all kla?"; Deification of the country of origin and deliberate isolation from other nationalities). I certainly give everyone a chance, even although I have prejudices. And - this, I admit it - I have. But as I said, I give everyone a chance. Evt. the prejudices remain applied, even though I have this person may actually would, so I go it (example of a foreigner [Region Balkans] in my class. I have a stale taste in my mouth when I talk to him, but actually he is very friendly , so I overcome me every time and always fighting against my prejudices, hoping that they disappear). Actually, I'm in the middle politically, but because there the CVP (because I love my prejudices and I will never fight, a kick to Christianity!) is, I prefer to call myself left. This is also my feminism. Maybe I am a political "miracle". Look at it as you want it, I am proud to be a patriot left. Point. To this I would
to "Between death and life" ... the idea has brought me a song with the lyric "Live for this!". What brings more? To live for something or die for something? What are the benefits to the operator what the cause more? I personally can not decide ... rather live for something? You could do much more for the cause, be much more helpful. It would bring one a satisfying, however small, any sense of achievement. But what is honourableness as to the cause to die? What is more satisfying than to give up his life for the setting to sacrifice it to the older ones? Martyrdom ... a dream. Lack of time I will discuss another time to continue ... but only just my opinion: I like living for a cause, for my attitude, I dedicate it to heart and blood. But in the end to die for my life would finish with an incredible climax. With its peak.

How Long Does Pid Last

Lost - words to my best friend

thought I'd get in the game "love" lost XD
crap xD
Well .....
I still Kazuki (my Love) and Fanny (thanks, that you are trying have that I will never forget >.\u0026lt;)!!
In recent days much has happened, I had very very nice time, but now also lost my love (but feelings can have on one side and I have taken it, or I feel as if it would not have been seriously) and also my best friend that I thought he would stay with me - now he does not answer me once again! And that's just because my feelings are not what they want other people .... I'm sorry that I live for me to control my emotions can not and nothing will help it if I want to hurt someone NOT fall in love or something! I wanted to never do something someone - sry, but I was very direct - if you - no, you - now you are hurt / are, then unfortunately that is your own fault, no matter how hard the now sounds ..... This time I really behave correctly .... you have deceived me then, you have it done again this time too! You have condemned me for something for which I can not - Rejoice: he does not want me And all this will you do with a single "apology" (okay, repeated Males) again? I am sorry ,.... I am in fact not easy to have .......
I am disappointed and very hurt!

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Once again the men

Tach, people =)

time it goes back to the men, as elsewhere U_U "
So, the shooting really was the last guy - hey, you were s ass and I already knew habs ^ ^ "
Still I hope somewhere made me - anyway, that's over and I feel really a bit better so =)
men are idiots -. I said that already
Well, at least I was the GR with my best friend and her boyfriend (it can even out of the category "Men are really stupid" low-stress - it is really okay! ) But now that I'm home again, I'm thinking because of some things ....
re-excavated a guy who wants nothing but EGTL of me - but possibly even ... complicated story that I would not run here about its privacy something there to keep out. Now I just do not know where I am actually ..... what to do ... and acted like it ....
I hope this time I just do not feel such a mess - I had this year already, enough of that!

Chezz

PS: entry of a still very, very nice weekend is still = D

How Do I Buy Mount And Blade On Steam

First entry

Huhu, now I can even rouse myself to an LJ to open = D
The layout is just still under construction and I will do not come anytime soon! It was important that I have a kind of virtual diary where I can write everything from the soul!

Yesterday was another one of those days where you best with no one should talk ....
Fortunately, I was out with Kazuki - thank you, dear, you have me really saved the day. It was really nice with you to Starbucks and go shopping = D! Am very happy to go with you!
At least ..... -.- men are stupid! Or is it me, because I simply am not in a position to do so, I rauszufischen right people; D!
Well, at least it can now only go uphill!

I leave, drive away the GR and start my training in September! My life should have a regulated process and that I need men (initially) not easy =)!

Life goes on ~ = D

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sucide_angel @ 2007-12-24T04: 03:00

Now it's done! In four hours I sat in the car, which brings me to the airport. A small procession we will be, because my ex-affair will come either by car or on motorcycle, as well as its best friend. Who knows about whether even more, because I know not too much. I have to shower me yet, make up, comb ... my room looks like ten bombs had gone off, but yesterday evening it was even worse, because you could not even take a step. My brother will help me then, too slow in putting away everything. Once I gave my mother a few songs, my baby is ready for the trip. So now it's really going on!
Internet will be made in the worst case in the first three weeks. Until then! I wish all the best, thank you, thank you very much. If my plane crashed
... well:) Will you hear it well xD Absturzt When I think of all people ... and I wish they would share my fate.

this in mind: Adios! Selamat was-also-always!

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idea of Misanthropin


Again I have a phase. Slowly, it is almost boring. Today it was a melancholy, nostalgic phase. Coupled with some heartache and sadness. In fact you could in the early stages as "I do not care all and I could almost cry" define. Then fell into nihilism, and even broke up with the nostalgia of the time, currently they only overshadowed me. The melancholy and deep sadness remained. Also, the heartache sits somewhere in the shade. The one I love seems to be overwhelmed by my love. But I did not want to here my Heart out. Or at least not the realm of love.
Much more must be written down my thoughts before they evaporate. The entry title says it all. If hate angels. Since I've seen a video of images of RIP-ResistantX with the song in the background, I can not listen to without ResistantX to Reb or vodka to think. To their actions. At its message. And in the gaps which they have hitnerlassen. I'm also pretty sure that Subway to Sally this exact topic with "If hate angel" theme. Hence the song is simply stunning, even if I every time I hear that it has to fight back tears. It may sound narcissistic and egozentrischt ... okay I'm narcissistic and egocentric

... but it reminds me of myself. On the one hand, I would like to send the message to the society, but I do not waste my life for something that would get the least. On the other hand, I was often seen as an angel. My best friend called me even guardian angels. Looking back on the last years, I dare say that I too have done some good. My last ex told me how well I would have done it, how much confidence he had won through and through me. My best friend, because I realize it without apparently passed through a difficult time. My top friend, I returned the hope my best friend I've maybe saved from depression, but certainly dissuaded from suicide thoughts. Yes, I look back I see that my past life was not wasted. That some of my friends did quite a bit to know me to be friends with me, or my life in general. This all sounds more self-centered, sound as it should. What I really want to say is that I can say in the face of death "I have accomplished something.". Although not a success in AP will be something similar or even heroic DOH ... but at least something of a hand so small and also as powerful as joy to my friends. I go from this world, no matter what kind and wise, so I have moved at least a tiny bit. I have the people I loved, helped. have lived - Will I die, I can say that I - even if it should be tomorrow. I did not know many things yet not seen. But one with me not the quantity but the quality. And what is more fulfilling than to be certain for some people was the angel? What is more reassuring than the knowledge, leave a gap in unfüllbare loved ones? It is unlikely to happen, that my death as I hope for him. But my desire to move something that reminds stay, will come true. And if it is only in the memories of loved ones ... what interested I called the mass and faceless? Who knows? Maybe my loved ones will tell me ... their friends, their family, perhaps their children. My memory will live on even now. I will not be immortal will get well no entry in Wikipedia and this site will read little more than five people in her existence. But you will remember me. Who knows how many to come? In how many I will be able to help realize my need? Who knows ... maybe I will but immortal ...

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Right now I'm considering writing a book called "friends lose weight made easy - in just a few weeks you're standing all alone". Why? For this Reason. Currently there are very many people who hate me. By that I mean more than scho normally. While there are always those which I do not know particularly well and me - with two exceptions - were never very important. Should I go into the details? Actually, reading this, probably before hardly anyone, so I do again what I want.

Sico. I still know from the ref (ie high school, my old school), she was in the same class with Mellie and some others I know also other friends and counting. I lost because I do not particularly sensitive, as always, my opinion of her ex-boyfriend (I call him Harschi, ch that comes from rabbit [abbreviation of coward] and Ar *** l *). She knows my opinion of him actually, but that day I felt particularly good, so I moved really embraced him and called in just always Harschi. This they apparently could not stand. As I learned later she cried out in connection to our conversation his eyes. This I did not want him as my only criticism really was, but for whatever reason it has taken that personally. In any case, they did what may never make someone with me: She went offline without warning. You can insult me, as I'm working I say a *** l * ch would be (since I am even one mind), stupid, a key mpe * and scum (at the latter three, I disagree). This I can forgive most. But it is easy to go offline under all. Maybe I do not understand some things I would still be clear. Explanation: For me there is nothing worse than being ignored. This I can not stand. I do not mean that it would take me as the hardest, this weakness is not I reveal. No, I will go from 50 up to 280. Those who ignored me is dead. Who pulls me without warning as well. Who pulls me for me not explainable reason exactly. But I digress from the topic. Sico went offline as I said. Then there was silence Funct. But suddenly she began to make ready Mellie. Not that they offended Mellie but they insulted me by Mellie. I would be the

not matter, but Mellie was completely on the ground. Call me lesbian fight if you want, but it is good for everyone one of my friends when I am nearby and can help it! Conclusion: I was ready Sico. Probably they howled again. This time I hoped it, I wanted to be injured as possible, because as I said, they hurt Mellie. Especially with Mellie I lose control if you want someone to hurt. In any case I probably blocked Sico, cowardly as it seems. Mellie has also lost contact with her, because it is probably just the opposite with her and nobody tells me may harm their eyes. She was one of the exceptions. Who could
1. we take then? Ahja. There was such a horny schreeeecklich type. Actually, I liked the never and we had no real contact, but it's all a matter of principle. He had the misfortune to come to me with his horny, when I had a particular phase. Let's call it the "I-is-all-damn" phase. Said that I was half zombie, no feelings, an empty shell. This is a maybe for two hours. In any case I have made the seemingly finished, he pulled his tail and at least one blocked me by saying that I am completely crazy. Previously, he said even if I was on drugs. As you should know I take no drugs. But later I learned from Mellie, I really sounded like I had taken anything. Interesting. I just got later - no idea why - apologized to him by mail. But strangely enough, he never responded. Then there because this sweet 15 year olds. Was sweet irony. He is quite nice, shockingly naive - and incredibly self-pity. Anyone who knows me knows that I am classed as positive self-pity, as long as it is enjoyed alone. But throwing it to the other - preferably those that you do not even know it - it is pathetic. He has a strange disability (muscle area), which is why he appears to be the poorest and the bemitleidenswerteste Man looks on the earth. When we first wrote together, he hesitated at first around forever with the words "Yes, he would not be normal" and "so abnormal as I yourself are not you," ezt. In other words, even a blind man could have read that he wants to hide something pseudo-. I'm on his disability, "regardless of his feelings," a not. When we wrote the second time I burst from the collar so much self-pity. Imagine that Selbstmileid times as mucus before. If you are alone and I vollschleimst it is indeed your mucus, possibly you disgust yourself a little before that but it's nothing incredibly bad. But now imagine that someone comes to you, begin to secrete slime from every pore and deletes then everything about you from. About as I felt, angeschleimt correctly. So I said - again - my opinion. How pathetic self-pity would be and that he was not clear if he would necessarily compassion, etc. Then he said goodbye to me with the words "we will not write well together. Goodbye". And he was gone. Either he blocked Mellie - about them, I know him - for reasons unknowable, or it is not blocked me, because we both went offline. Maybe he took his own life. Then of course comes the
Vasenzerstörerin. Actually it was not a girlfriend, but that was the Notgeile also not self-pitying and just as wrong. So lead I here too. Their act I have explained in another post, not after, I may go again. The fact is simply that I have scared away again, a friend.
The Punk. Also, I say no more about him very much. Except that he was the second exception, which is why I have met probably as treason. Besides, would perhaps call his girlfriend, not as someone (or something, whatever you want to call a Punkanbeterin) have what I lost, but as one person on earth hates me.
My latest Lost. I know (/ did) it for quite a while. Certainly two years. I met him on his (ex-) girlfriend. At this point, I must perhaps mention that he is a Turk. Perhaps this explains a little (she is a Turkish woman, but something one rarely sees them as untürkenhaftes ... except maybe their "sh" instead of "sh", which she writes, but do it right now and frightening many full-blood Switzerland before ... all punks). When I started to write to her I had very soon much more contact with her than with him. This is primarily because he was preoccupied with his restaurant and it online instead, almost daily. I made friends pretty with her. Then came a calamity. Actually, some would describe it as luck, but it took everything with it. She was pregnant. Apparently I know the truth to the "why" not, but they drove off. Normally I would have advised her to exactly, but with her I had the feeling that she would not cope. When she still had the thing in itself, she was so pleased about it, I was ... I guess I do not exaggerate when I say "proudly" say ... the ultrasound images. Although I did not recognize much, but this is a detail. At that time there was 1 cm long, if I remember correctly. Yesterday I spoke for a long time for the first time with her. She had tried to kill herself because she missed her unborn baby so much. At this point I must mention possibly that it was a miracle that she was pregnant and that they now may never have the chance to have a child ... To this Point at which they lay on the ground, he came and gave her a kick as he left them hard. I wrote him an e-mail as soon as I heard this. This e-mail ... I think I was "a little" racist (which I'm usually not), too hard and perhaps premature. To my surprise, he replied almost immediately. He reacted as they had predicted. With disappointment with anger (or hatred, can not remember), which he named only and do not let me really feel. To be honest, and DAS is difficult for me, I'm sorry. I was really too hard on him. And I was too hasty. I jumped with spiked shoes on the ice, but it was too thin and I rbach and into the icy water. Now I realize that I was too harsh, but I'm not back to the bank and will probably drown. What does that our friendship is probably destroyed. He is not among the exceptions, since he himself is an exception to the exceptions and exception, I regret my behavior.
6. There were certainly some in between, but I can not easily remember all. Of the members of my family that I randomly start wegschmiss I not better. Over the years I have lost many friends through my own way. I am often brash, harsh, sometimes selfish and mean. Above all, I am too hasty. Of my best friends I know that I probably not laughed Irishman, as they would have forgiven me so many times, even if I do not or hardly apologized. In part ... ok, ALWAYS be my mistake until long clear later. So it was with my last ex, who at the end of one year with the charge I would have had quite contentious. So it is on the Turks, it was so many times with my friends. But my soul (by the way she lives in a gray cylinder with a smooth, unadorned walls, but a comfortably furnished room in the middle of my heart) for quite some time I whispered in his ear that I will soon be left without friends. I try to be with me all available force, a single fighter and usually also to awaken appears that it did, but I need from time to time at a port where I can fuel the energy for my acting. This port are my friends, the buffer zone between me and the brutal world. And I mean all

friends, even those that are further away, not so closely stuck to me. I think I need my friends to show me that not all people are bad. That some care is very good. That is probably the reason why it hits me so if one of them is behind me. Because it is my understanding confirmed: Everyone deserves to die.

Invitation To Death Anniversary

I once again made some personality tests.

Mat That Japanese People Sleep On

Wusstet ihr, dass Amerika Israel täglich 8 Millionen Dollar schickt?
Daily . Ok, you probably knew it, I am rarely informed in such matters. This makes the U.S. government. It is not even supported by most Americans! me taking the impotence. Not about the stupidity of the American government, that is clear and actually already accepted. No, the impotence affects me, because you fight so much - hardly what you achieved! Clearly calls me Greenpeace us as they are called all these aid organizations, tell me something from the Russian Revolution, from the French. I, however, tell you about the nameless. Of those who could not start the revolution ; those whose aid projects brought nothing, those who are not known / accepted / rich enough to have something to move around the world. Go to the streets and protest, you heard! Sure, and what happens then? First you must know people that will help in organizing the demo, you get this, it is still possible that you are standing at the end all alone on the road. Of course, a Ein-Frau/Mann-Demo is whirling, any note. Ha-ha-ha.
long by one second to return to the real issue back: Israel has no other thoughts than those of the government. Who wears black, who is depressed, who all look like you depressed comes in brain wash. Externally, it means that they would "give the courage to face life again." Again, ha-ha-ha. Israeli soldiers use Palestinian children as targets for practice. Sure, I hate people anyway, anyone who goes in the world - and if it does so "innocent child" is - a plague is less for the environment. But it goes against the grain, when cowardly 12 as an adult -, 13-year-old abknallt. These are an inferior both mentally and physically. Loser kids to shoot is the act of cowards. For if to shoot someone in general not the most courageous of killing. Strangle, stab, too, if the victim can defend themselves when fighting for his life can, which is a "fair kill." These soldiers are even afraid of not being able to win against children. You should give everyone the chance either to flee or fight. This Währe "honorable" to kill.
somehow brings me to the topic the death penalty. But for that I will probably come another time. Instead, something completely torn from the context:


Who has friends like these who needs enemies?. This proverb I have just read the threads related ResistantX. Yesterday I had to think about it. It takes amazingly strong to me. I mention this only my asshole-punk from a previous entry, or the Vasenzerstörerin from it. Well, the Vasezerstörerin was no friend of mine - fortunately - but on this detail, one can look away quickly, not to contaminate the statistics. Last night I felt really dirty, or as they say in the Swiss, "I be fully uf dr Schnurre gsi (= I was really into the mouth)." And the only two people who would cheer me up at this moment can - my two most important friends - were not there. My main (and, best, true) girlfriend has been now five days in a camp at the school. 5 days! I had no idea how hard it is for me it would be 5 days is not for me to have, but there was hardly a night for several months in which we had no contact. It looks like I miss her more than I thought because I'm always aggressive in recent days. Ok, I am anyway quite often aggressive, but so was extraordinary. And my most important friend had his case levy

camp at which he leaves next week on Wednesday. Right now I'm left me fairly. Sure, my most important friend is coming back today (juhu!), but next week will travel from my blue whale to the metal and as mentioned, my main camp to camp. Furthermore, I never really write more with my best. I'm not even sure if he was still my best is. Sure, it is important to me, but ... that "something" is missing. The last time I answered him anschrieb he did not even know ... I , that he had no time for he would answer me if he could. Yesterday ... ah no, the day before he wrote me a message with his Matur-results (I say only that he is the fifth best of the whole school ...) and that he finds that picture, which this communication crossed pretty. If there is then? Oh, and Wacken. I do not mean the place or the open air, but a person who calls himself a community in Sun He is believable after me. Currently, he is trying to make me jealous (I also have four that I want. ") as if I me would love it! As I told him (perhaps a little cold) said that I would myself so in love with someone else. Then he said "ahso, ok" and was offline. The conversations with my most loyal friend, are shallow and absurd manner, even those most loyal to my girlfriend. With my former imaginary soul sister is almost nothing, my hooligan has not answered me last time, my ex-Nazi changing moment his friends (and scandals) more often than my underwear while my last ex swears his love. .. . I do not. None of this is aufgepusht or something, but mostly played 1:1. I make no accusation of my most important friends think I do best and even in Wacken I do not talk times. My most loyal friends ... well ... I do not make accusations, but I am sorry. It's the same with my hooligan. My ex-Nazi, I said my opinion and my last Ex .. I wish I could exchange the love of all in friendship. I'm so afraid to lose them. ... This fear was difficult to admit. Yes, I am afraid. My last ex is just like a bird who accompanied me now steadily for nearly two years, more or less (ok. .. maybe from last November and in May, not), and therefore something to which I got used so I can not let go even wants. And in my most important friend ... I would not survive, they lose. I am not as empty words, but exactly Sun I would not bear to lose them if I needed proof, it gives me this week more than enough. To break up: I can not shit. It is simply nothing more. joke. So not that I can not, that's the truth, but that it should be a loosening. What is it? Hmm ... maybe ill humor? Recently, I was often enough, I was sick. Perhaps "the shock-to-end"? The balance to my anxiety confession? I do not know. I only know that I had to say it simply.
to real "loosen up": It's me right now super. I write with my most important friend 8sie has just come back on the phone !!!), same with my main friend (via Skype) and writing with my blue whale ... Wow! could hardly get better. Also introduced me to one thing yesterday. With a friend of mine - he is very

muscular (what an understatement!) - I had a funny conversation. I wondered what it would be if he were in my body and I in his. He then said that the world would be a avoid perilous place. I asked why and he replied simply, what would happen if I had with my constant anger and aggression his body. Hahaha, I think the last few days I have not gelachen Sun And above all, somehow ... Strange as it may sound, but ees made me ... "proud" would be the wrong word. But I find a better one.
In this sense, Brum! (Did the phase still)

Play Tapper Root Beer

BRUM!
Currently I am a bit ... hyper. Not hyperactive, not hyper-sensitive. My heart beats as if it would set a world record xD I am aware of the reason for that - or I think I know - but this does not matter. I'm just trying to calm her. They slowly becomes painful.
Apart from my soon-busting Chest, there is nothing special. I finally wrote to my aunt. Oh! I have not told, as far as I know: My father went to Switzerland. Own terrible beauty is what he told me vorgejammert but he would not have enough money for the trip, he has tried to instill pity me, because he would see my paternal Grandmother never. And now he was going. But much was worse: He could not tell! Hello? This guy was my father. Well. Even worse is that my Grandmother, actually one of my favorite family members, has been silent and accepted that he does not need us to tell. I'm so sorry, but this is a Vetrauensbruch. I do not know if she can ever do well. As can again come as voices and tell me they would not live much longer, I would have to exercise consideration. Should I therefore take on any

consideration, could die soon? That would be for each person, because we can all be dead tomorrow.
... Wow. This idea, though always existing but very loud now, has just stolen my breath away. I could be dead tomorrow in bed. Perhaps today's mushrooms were not so good, who knows? Or the day I might fall down the stairs. Wow. My shock is less the idea of "Noooo! Then I'm dead! "Because the death I spit in his face, he does not interest me at all. There are other things, things like the smile of my best friend. The voice of my most important friend, the skeptical gaze of my best ones are. It simple things like calling a screech owl in the night and the sparkle of the stars in the sky. This I have written a text that is already long time ago.

stringent sense
I with my life complete. Actually, I've been a long time ago. Now, death is almost at the door. I hear his footsteps coming up the stairs. But feel ich keine Angst, kein Verlangen, keine Freude und keinen Schmerz. In mir herrscht Leere und ich frage mich, ob jeder Todgeweihte gleich fühlt. Mein Gesicht ist dem dunklen Fenster zugewandt. Mir lacht die kalte Frontseite des gegenüberliegenden Hauses hämisch entgegen. Zum ersten Mal lächle ich zurück. 
Er hat die letzte Stufe erreicht, mein Zimmer ist das letzte des Ganges. Mein Körper scheint versteinert zu sein, lediglich mein Kopf ist diesem Zauber entronnen. Mit geweiteten Augen und leicht geöffnetem Mund blicke ich um mich, betrachte zum letzten Mal mein Zimmer. Die trotz der Dunkelheit beinahe leuchtenden Wände. Meinen dunklen Kleiderschrank, die Türe halb geöffnet. Mit ein wenig Anstrengung ist es possible for me to discern outlines of my favorite gowns. The adjacent panel. My homework are still waiting. The sadness begins to penetrate into my blood. My thoughts are my best friends I'll never see again. My best friend once defied my death but now he has failed. How will he cave in? My two best friends, I would one last wish, he would explain it to them. What is to say my most important friend? How will he think of me, he who has escaped death. I force my eyes and I will not continue to doubt. Only briefly stuck my eyes on my baby and I allow my thoughts only a few seconds to let linger in people, which I thank him have met. I hope his new owner will love just as much as I do. I pop in at the window, look at my little collection of candles and examine instead my bookshelf. Since I can read it filled. At this stage it is badly cluttered and I would have needed a new one for months. This has now done. He comes closer, has more than half his way back down. A slight breeze pushes through the window to me. I breathe in the cool air of a late autumn night. Through my socks, I feel the carpet more than ever before. In the face with the death of my senses seem to worsen. The scent of nearly wilted rose permeates almost pushing in my nose. The substance injected is really against my skin. In the distance a dog barked. A tear dissolves from my chin and falls on my chest. So far I did not notice that I've cried. This must have happened at the thought of my friends. I close my eyes.

fade steps. He has arrived. sounds more relaxed than the clicking of the latch, my whole body. He enters. The door closes.

"My parents?" I ask, surprised at the silence of my voice.

"I'm stunned she." Replies me a rough Voice.

"Good."

My words are little more than a wind that escapes me as I turn around. I open my eyes. He holds the gun loosely in his right hand.

"Are you ready?" He asks, taking a step toward me.

He looks at me with a hard look. I almost feel a trace of scorn in his voice heard.

"Only you can decide you differently."

"I have decided." I respond and not let my eyes are different from his.

"Then kneel down. "

I obey without hesitation. When the cold hits his gun at my temple, I begin to sob. He waits. My thoughts drift. How ironic, how convincing from my abstraction, I think at the moment before my death to a movie. Well, it's not just any movie, it is hardly a touching movie as Innocent Voices, which is related not only with the fact that based on real facts. The knowledge of how much the children have struggled in him for their lives, like most of their battle is lost in comparison with my intended, even desired departure almost unbearable. It seems to me as if I spot her memory. I suppress a chuckle sobbing, I'm so desperate, my honor I will keep.

"Will you change your mind up?"

"No," I breathe, I will. "

My eyes are staring, my mouth open again slightly. That's it. It is the end. I take my last breaths. Move the last time my fingers. My knees hurt from the carpet. I look up to him. He waits. I swallow the last time, letting me fall to my ankles. My hands trembled slightly folded in my lap. Outside, I hear an owl. The last Tear making its way. I turn my eyes away from his face and breathe deeply for the last time. Then I close my eyes. "So be it."

-----------------

What do I want? I am afraid the thought of death far. Too bad for the friends, because of the things that I like and those who can make me never. But I "afraid" to forget. I do not mean that I'm afraid. But it would remind me to be against the grain, only by the loved ones. Sure, these would be the process well, "missing, replace forgotten. I want to achieve something. By that I mean no personal success, such as career (although this would certainly nothing negative). What I mean is, make a difference. Whether people wake up to present the grievances of the society to all, some of these are knowing all the politicians to shoot in the head ... to actually do something that I would not necessarily represent myself because I really hate people I do not know to help. But I would bring so not even sorrow and pain? Would the people ripping out their eyelids, their eyes so that they can not be closed before the Wirklichskeit, I would because some not hurt? How many of these weak little man would be the sight of her ugly, stinking heap of errors compared with NS to survive against nature? How many would commit suicide because they can not bear it? And how many people would take refuge in their own world? But even if humanity had no eyelids anymore - they would find accessible explanations for their mistakes. She would always find a positive answer to a nagging question. You could excuse all their inexplicable errors, easy and intuitive.

Mad world ...

Lauren London Hair Extensions

moment ... It was a chain reaction. I am in my misanthropy once again on the Live Journal of ResistantX stumbled. So I let a little. From then threw a short step to 'We kill'em all ". From then on other links and so on and so on. Finally, I devoted the day actually ResistantX. And of course, become sentimental in once again on this RIP-videos. Terrible, what a howling Phase I currently have.
somehow touched me this "Bastian-thing" (I call it only from lack of a more appropriate word so ...) amazing. I can not say if Columbine was equally touching. At that time I was ... 13, 14? I did not so much, although I believed it. I think with such age one is more compassionate, more completely put themselves in other People. Perhaps I Bastian touched so intense. Because he was in Germany, the continent into "my area" and therefore not on another. Because I did not have to translate his resignation letter, because I is more apparent at 16 than it was then at Columbine the case. Sure, over the years understood the message of the Reb and Vodka, with Sturmgeist89 it impressed itself more into me. But while I tend to feel a Sturmgeist89 ... strange admiration, so I just touched Bastian. In Sturmgeist89 I found it a pity that he was not there that I never had the opportunity to talk to him. And at Columbine ... how many times I wished nothing more as a time machine to see it in reality in order to talk to them. If I had tried to dissuade them? No ... no, I do not think so. Had I been warned? Before Dylan's agonizing death? Prior to that, what would happen to their parents? Prior to that, as her friends would be affected? ... I think not. No, I'm almost sure I would have concealed anything. Perhaps I should have reported that they achieved their goals. That after almost nine years ago still speak of them that they were idols to (partially). That their message was understood. Maybe I would have told them about AP ... maybe by the imitators, perhaps from those that they are equal. Yes, perhaps I would have told them that they were glorified by many as gods. As they were dismissed from the crowd, the society as demons. But with all these "maybes" is something clear: I had on 20 April cried. I was standing in front of the school ... depending on them followed. But the tears were flowing down in streams. If I had after her suicide, the force had to return to the present day? Maybe I would have had feelings of guilt ... but I do not think so. They gave so much power. Oh yes, she died a martyr's death. I am not interested, how many say you should not deify them and all other school-goers Massa notch, dies würde nichts bringen: Sie gaben Menschen Kraft, gaben ihnen etwas, für das sie kämpfen konnten. Sie öffneten die Augen vieler. Erzählt mir noch so viel davon, ich solle sie nicht glorifizieren, ich tue es! Und ich bekenne mich dazu! Nich wie viele, welche offiziel "ihre Tat verabscheuen und als unverzeihlich" titulieren. Soll mich LiveJournal bannen oder löschen! Ich stehe dazu! Ich verstehe ihre Tat, ich verstehe ihre Wut und ich verstehe es, dass sie nicht gegen das Rachegefühl ankämpfen
wollten
. Es hat nichts mit
können

zu tun. Reb und Vodka waren nicht verzweifelt, sie haben es geplant, bis ins kleinste Detail. Anscheinend zwar nich gut genug, aber sie
wollten revenge. Bastian had to. When he heard her desperation between the lines of the burgeoning hatred. No question, he hated the people and society. But he was desperate. And no one has heard his cry. Sure you can say "Would you geschrauen with me, I would have heard you." Also, I would write this. But close friends heard nothing. As we? He showed the world a face of calm during the struggle within him was burning. I think ... alone for his acting (again excuse the word should not be herabsetztend) you can admire him, we should officially for his actions but not the. RIP

Mrs. Fields Stock Symbol

Humanity - I will have to hardly repeat what I think of it. Interestingly, however, I was just on a pretty high. My hate was a little cool, conquer my trust easily. In other words, my misanthropy set his sights a little. But it is not always the case that follows something like a crash? I'm not angry. I'm not even disappointed. But I'm bitter. It was never my goal to kill my people hate. I did not even have to cool down before him. It was just a nice change to see people in the news without that stale taste in the mouth to have. In this state, almost affection for people was one of them to bruise him. With hammer, hatchet and sword put this person in my vase of acceptance of the human race irreparable damage. The vase is destroyed, right now my lamp. The bitterness is enclosed flowed out and ate the same acid in my heart and my mind. My misanthropy is risen to their sleep. Even though I am told, I would say only. I would think my homophobia not as serious as it really is. Although it is claimed that I am not allowed to call Misanthropin because the hatred is not referring to all the people that made exceptions, all my friends, part of my family and myself. Not matter how many times is called after my pseudo, I know my feelings. I hate you! You, who / which reads you (unless you're somebody I guess ^ ^). I hate all that match my image. But some who deserve to be hated even more. Christians, Muslims, for example. Members of sects such as Jehovah's Witnesses, the dress up at every corner. wag Machos, unpatriotic, alien to her instead of the Swiss flag. And those who claim to be something to outward "cool" to act. People who claim to have the news of Reb, from vodka, or understood by ResistenX Sturmgeist89. Those who dare to take to NS in the mouth, but swallowing drugs at every opportunity would be to life-time Yet. These people, who pretend to hate the company to despise them and punish those with stupidity - but another link in its own object of hatred are. Oh yes, they have earned the hatred really is. My oh-so-great Vasenzerstörerin is such a case. Has apologized afterwards. For what? For the destruction of the vase? Surprises me that they can measure the dimensions of his action at all. Whether she wants to apologize for the bitterness in me. Or whether the excuse is their bright side: The fouling of the memory of Reb, vodka and the others. Did she do this? They apologized for their hate just pretend? A false excuse. you read this, read quietly a comment.


My misanthropy is now pure. She showed me once again why I hate this man Sun I do not condemn even the society, with less debt. It is the nature of man, which I condemn. Not the original nature, not NS, not conservation. The new, invented, oh so wonderful nature of the people I hate. The pursuit of infinity, of immortality. Seizure medication, as it would be a staple now, time and time and more time. , 100, 110 and 150 in twenty years We want to protect nature? But we must die! It's not the CO2, there are not things like Cars and nuclear power plants, which destroy the nature.

We are! We multiply ourselves worse than rats. We cover the whole planet, adapt to any climate and poison any region. We are worse than the plague.

Vasenzerstörerin But is not the only reason my Misanthropieschubs. Ok, actually it is the trigger, but someone else stamped the pieces and read the bitter acid like rain falling on the fiasco. Let's call him ... the insect. Oh, if I started recently with the right to ogle (20% of foreigners in Switzerland! 90% of whom are loyal to their country of origin and Switzerland is only a good place to live. There are also yet all naturalized!), I had never been in violation punks. No, I liked them. Their violence was different than the right, left-wing radicals while lame but kind of interesting. But no more. Fooled me as the first punk ... well, random. Every now and then. But after the insect is clear to me that they all are like that. Loyalty is a foreign word to them. For a little coke to bring to whom, for a shot they sell their Grandmother. Than normal "friend" you are non for it. Maybe a little loyalty to her friend. But for all their loyalty has already been used. They throw you out like you're dirt, and proletarians out how humane they are.

"We just beat up to destroy objects which human rights."
people can damage has mostly been resolved, for which there is a dam * industrialized countries in hospitals? Also: NS! The beat was just not strong enough, not fast enough, not enough inteligente. And they destroy their property, what if the insurance paid nothing? Oh, yes does not matter if the guy is one of the loading from Sozailamt to live, the main thing we were "humane." Ha-ha. Preach anarchy. Anyone with a little common sense knows that anarchy does not work. Sure, I am for anarchy, but the destruction of mankind. In this sense: "tick perish!"

Now I finally. Revenge is sworn revenge is bitter, revenge is beer! BRUM!

Free Internet Rpg Games

BRUM! This had to be . Was an insider. Ok, not so much have, just a moment Brum phase. Which means that I constantly "buzzing", ie any with a "Brum" comment. One of my numerous phases. But this is not the only phase that has taken possession of me right now. In addition, this fact would have the sadistic phase. I think things like Hostel are known by everyone. This sadistic phase I LOVE this movie. Yep, definitely. * Hand drill to take * addition there again in the Misanthropin me. Down with the humanity! Muhahaha, surrender them to the flames! Burn us all down! There are two possibilities: either I'm serious or otherwise. If you would report me ... I mean it seriously.

Hsbc Money Down Payment

Today is the opening European Championship game. Why do I know? Because ALL it necessary to keep, to remember throughout the day on it. My hatred of football has now increased by 10%. What interests some a soft head, what (women's football is not even mentioned once somewhere! One more reason to hate football.), This little man a bale of any send a field. Sport is generally a waste of time. Practiced less than seen. HELLO? Sports dazed look ... how do you be? If it were a discipline, which themselves do not or can hardly be carried out (such as figure skating) I understand it still so tight. But football can play in every child ...

Answering Machine Cuts Off Message

is the moment everything topsy-turvy. I would like to make to get to (because I really MUST!) - And it does not do. wash of the simplest things like hair I have to force myself! I will eat all day without even a single time to be hungry. To always weaker cold cough is to completely illogical. I should write some mails for weeks now, take me ever before, but never made. Next Wednesday I shall meet my father again, yay Re (irony). My days herald on to do without. My teeth are always sensitive, my hair matted and lose their luster. At least my nose is finally getting better. It come all the time back to work. My-lost friend is back and I do not care. However, what is the worst would be the real thing with my girlfriend. Yesterday she read my last entry. What I wanted the least! Had I been able, he would have been closed to them. But this is not possible here. And so is the inevitable happened: she is injured. I can not and would not take it amiss. I'm not angry - it can not so anything for my stupidity einzuberechnen that she possibly reads - Or even injured. I'm just so sorry. And I do not know how I can make up for it. I think I can
it does not. It is done. Another scar on the soul. I know any more than I can help it. One of the things they do in the last entry ... it will hurt again be discussed. And again. And again. But how to prevent it does not see it? I can tell her badly, she should not read this and that and the next! But I will not hurt! I think it hurts me as much, they suffer to see how they feel this themselves.

I hope you read this some manner if Wirsch probably would read ... if mol widr schmöker native to mim Journal. But I hope that the Mach Ziit Dene in the conflict. Well ... conflict actuality sized net. You Weischer, wienis mine. Ha I only say no Wöll that tuet mer genuinely sorry. Dassi never never never never Wöll ha! Woni vo the vosteckte Journalitrag gredet ha denne actuality net, so go gohsch were reading. In opposite part, I ha d'considered possible net, that it würdsch do. While I use the other de Itrag gschriebe ha mer manner by short head gears, that the moles were reading wirsch. But I ha demit grächnet that up denne no mind severally least some daily e vogönd, vilicht growth! I dream niemols mer size: lo that on Possible würdsch days go ... It feels sorry for mer alli Schmärze, woni the ready. I know you seisch z'tue it Hätti nüt with mer. I know how you meinsch au. But still ... fühli me guilty. Love me net table, you hättisch Schmärze the net, and you würdsch me love Wennie net net would be so, wienie be. So I'm indiräkt "blame". Tell mer net, it wäri net so, for the net de severally wrote what reason. I want me au net voteidige. I will only Iblick in mini lag geh I see de LIID. And jedesmol, woni know you weinsch, I can mitweine. But jedesmol woni knows that weigh mer weinsch, dies parts e vo mim This World. It regenerates if any resist, such as wound heal and form depending on the scar. I would net that weigh mer weinsch I denne genuine net'd be better. I mean, I love me and everything, but I yield de Cumulative idea that I love öpper woni voursach suffering. And jo, I love us, but mini Liebi manner uf fründschaftlicher basis. But I'd like any more than that if you mer voschwiigsch weinsch. For how could sölli Fettnäpfle umgoh, Wennie ehri position net mark? (Horrible, I now Fascht be at the case ... what must now au grad no One Blood run: '()
I will prepare the wiiterhin grief, wiiterhin Schmärze is vorsache, ohni it z'wölle me and I will jedesmol defu hate. hesch You set me geschter with dim that it is better wäri, Wennie goh overall presentation, net voletzt. You hesch mer only shows how insensitive I be. I dänkt ha net Emol dramatic that mini Awäseheit de schmärze can. I do net know what, you gseit hesch that both de schmärzt - with mer z'schriebe s'sälbige net and do. What do sölli? Söttsch what you do? I think I'll be nonie Sun volore gsi, nonie so uncertain. The Ziit with, sit ego gwüsst ha, ha biforis gwüsst, severally actually for me öppis beautiful gsi. I think I z'schriebe ha nonie sit em Robi Sun druf blankt with öpperm. Net mitm Metal Head, with net mim Bescht Fründ. Nevertheless glichziitig sized e Ziit gsi MI MSN ... are in this e-Ava often schwarzi Flächi gsi manner. And I sit on erschte Mol Wed laptop ha ischs em Hintergrundbild glich ergange. Mi Laptop isch schwarz. Ich weiss net wieso, es isch e Ziit in däre ich nüt vostand, in däre ich Unsicherheit in jedem Bluettropfe vo mer spür, alles vo Unwüsseheit durchtränkt isch. Melancholie stoht hinter jedem Lache voborge. Ich vomiss de, du bisch scho über e halbi Stund z'spot. Villicht kunnsch usem gliche Grund net grad online, us welchem ich in Angscht erzittere. Ich ha kum je so viel Bamel vor eim Online-ko ka, doch ich has sälte so erwartet wie jetzt. Und im Moment hani mega Angscht, dass nüme kunnsch. Dass dini Angscht no grösser isch als mini. 
Ich ka do nüm wiiterschriebe. Ich ha eifach d'Rueh nüm, d'Kraft. Doch glaub mer öppis, brucht it more than that to us z'entzweie vo mer her. Du bisch no more beschti Fründin mini, mini wahri Fründin, I know net what do ohni there. I de fracture. If de frogsch, worumi all no Thurs, wrote a mail as mail hesch du sized private. But e mail ka volore goh. If DI PC crashes when you Tues password voliersch when öpper bi ine the chops. But do, in Journal mim, do severally so long to MI glescht profile. Thurs sized long enough to de vo itrag another hand is eliminated. Thurs sized so long to e vo Serverabsturtz's Live Journal, wave erases everything. Thurs sized Fascht henceforth infinity.

I know to write anything. I feel exhausted, zerstörrt on the ground, crippled and sick unto death. Pains me every fiber of my body, the loneliness is like a monster on me.

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My last post ... it seems as if all previous entries works of past times. Faded time. I wonder at that time feelings, they can understand in some places. That represents an interesting experience. In the last two months I've changed a little bit of character. This change is in its bloom, but puberty is its monarchy.
Different extremes have changed or strengthened. Or both. My hatred of humanity is greater from day to day, my love of nature keeps up. But about these changes I would like another time. This entry is therefore more like a diary. For more profound note your subsequent messages. I will work from now to earlier. At the moment I write
with my true friend. I will probably know later, much more to tell about it. But at the moment, unsichbare wall stands between us. A wall of glass. I would also not respond. I have not written anything important to what they could write a novel. Ouch. She answered not, but MSN has its name changed. "The love of disguises its thorns with beauty - but at their tips to expect the most cruel of all poisons. "Apparently a quotation. I will believe it. Why me take this MSN name so? Explain I may have some other time now I have to say any more than that he does . For the first time since we have come so close I wished that she is at. to food. But I do not think that this happens soon. I probably see me as offline. I can not stand it anymore. If we fight or even a (dispute have it much worse than anyone else, because we struggle with the same weapons, same beats, same techniques. We are so similar that a dispute will inevitably in a bloodbath ends. This is perhaps the flip side of a soul mate.
you asked me actually, if everything was okey. And apparently it was itself was not bad in common ... maybe I set too negative? And make a Goldcrest a swan?

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... Warning: this is probably only a non-profound diary entry, with a lot of self-pity (if I can control myself, it will at least be only between the lines) and a born-again nihilism that accompanies me.

few days ago I floated on clouds of happiness, I swam to the full by the magma of love, I breathed in the fumes of joy. I found myself in part on the highest towers, which has built my happiness ever. And even if I was on the Soil was staying, I hovered a few centimeters above, light-hearted and even easier understanding. Why should I care that I had lost two friends if I were him

have? Why should I learn if I were almost bursting with joy? And why worry about anything but to enjoy my life to the fullest, enjoy myself and to embrace the world do every day when he

comes online? But the happiness of each tower there is a plunge into the depths if one has supported with enthusiasm about the distance too far over the railing?
He: "You know, I think we need time just a little talking to do ... "
Me:" oh my:-S go shooting "
He:" Well, well, I thought it would be now for a few days to go through your head and actually think you have the right to read it anyway. .. I have trouble somehow ... we say ... I say falling in love with someone I do not really know ... and among other things, it means waiting for a crap 6 months and then it is perhaps not that what you have imagined? I suggest we wait and see from the first meeting and then we look further and to be fun ha, I mean it is a bummer for you ... half a year without hugs without nothing it does not break ... " Me: "What exactly, you mean?" He: "That can not love me, without, I know you real ... I mean, we wait for the first meeting and then look further ... "I

:" Hmm .. in other words, I will not say more Schatzi "
He: "Oh yes, that you must have:-D but I would say friendly, because so over 1,000 km away without seeing half a year without knowing really is a crap ... and maybe it's not the real what we have imagined, "I
: You can talk to me for you ^ ^ songwriter no matter what you look like in reality, I fell in love with your person as such ^ ^ I'm concerned you can wait, I know "He
:" It's not about the look of photos lie not so big, it's more about. the person as such and it may well be that we really just do not understand, who knows Oo If one does not look in the eyes and faces, it is always something different ... I would just say wait until July and then really continue watching because it really brings you nothing and I can not without real knowledge of one another in love I'm so sorry ... "
Me:" You're right ^ ^ and I disagree, too (not really), I 'm just saying that I know. I am so far never been wrong (or if, then in the negative and it's been better than I thought) when I met someone from the internet. Most are about have been so, as I imagined. I've said, do what you want ^ ^ I just know how I feel. And nothing will change at most, that it is stronger, "he
". Just see how it plays then in July, looks ok "
(word-for-word translation from Swiss German)

... What was left? ? my other choice than to him agree finally I am pure zero in his opinion I still think his reasons I think he will only take a diplomatic retreat, he probably -... as I've always been afraid since I know him - found someone, because he really loves, who also loves him and he now wants to be with her, but not hurt my feelings. Or he found out that I am so devoted, as I have always told him and as I have forewarned him. In any case, I think he wants it here, just / said, so he can tell at our first meeting in Switzerland: "Oh, I'm sorry, but you are not, as I imagined you." He had previously vowed not to me several times a love? Has he promised me not even

? Previously, he was always sooooo sure, and suddenly - nothing more. Perhaps I am engaging. Maybe I'm selfish and put my health on the Seine. And if it's so - yes, I admit it! So I'm that. I can be unselfish, but I am greedy and selfish. And I think it's fair NOT by him to do first, like he would be sure to twitch his love and after that back!
He has led me into one of the darkest darkness that I have ever had, it was beautiful. But now he pushes me into the sunlight scherrt brutal, is not that I am going blind scherrt, is not that I'm burning scherrt, is not that I suffer.

Right now I think about it, show him this entry, so it knows what he does to me now. For him to say that I would not make it. And yet he should know what he massacre committed against my soul. For, as I have already have made this clear, I love him, out of my innermost as anyone ever, not even me. It is not that he loves me not possibly, I would take that (somehow), it is rather, in what way he says or shows me. If he was not sure of his love so that he could not promise I will! If he had a blow at least apologize for that, but I almost think he is not himself clear.

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I feel like the main character in a book. Or the lead actress in a movie. Not that I am so important and in the position as the main man in the world feel it's more that I appear as an observer, not as I do. Maybe I was a little too much in my
The Power of the story in. Nothing
increased. Whenever something happens to me quite normal or less normal, I immediately think about that and how I could install it. This is the simple little cut up to computer problems, from my love to the empty cell phone battery. It's not as if I just have to
The power of nothingness
think, more it is always in the back of my head, ready to strike again at any moment.

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In the last few days done a great deal. On the one hand, I think finally the knowledge of the guitarist (that he is a * rschloch) gfestigt have, in addition I have lost a friend - and a place. The Guitarist delisted from Sunday to yesterday no longer on its own. Saturday, he apparently thought that he would have to report at some time and wrote me a text message. After the second I could not answer right ognorieren him more and had to. After a short SMS traffic, he said he was tired and wanted to sleep. Since then, there is radio station. He asked not even know why we do not, as usual, his performance came. My lost friend ... our relationship was pretty special, and I do not want to dwell on it. In any case he has broken off contact with me from blue. The penultimate talk was all as usual and then came the rupture of contacts. Something in his Vormulierung has made me suspicious. "I decided to make contact with you to stop completely (...)" completely cancel ... that is, before he had it already abnormally. From which I take it that it was never easy for a few days not online - these days he has blocked me. Without me, informs. There are endless things that violate me but one of the worst is to be ignored. As I see it, if you block someone, he was ignored. He said that if it ezt his relationship. again would allow, he would re-establish contact with add me. But I'm not sure I want this contact or he hurt me once already heavy, and I saw then and now, no good reason for this and the last action.
But something more enjoyable. Or frightening. A fact threatens to undermine AP, threatens even suck out the importance of AP. Previously, I was ready to sacrifice everything except my friends (and some family members) for AP. Now, this willingness dwindles rapidly. AP DOH had already sucked out of me. As an antidote, it destroys the venom, but also an antidote is a poison, so that instead of DOH AP shot through my veins. But now waning power of the AP, is replaced by a much stronger power. I can not say I'm unhappy about the opposite. I have not felt for years as wonderful as it is now. Rather, for our cause it is scary, but would get along wonderfully AP without me, I'm sure.
I am in love. I've fallen in love, as I've fallen before. He's just ... perfect. He just looks gorgeous, is incredibly loving, sweet and ... oh, just incredible. I had never - ever since I woke up from my dream of a perfect world, bin - a sense of purpose, I also needed rarely. But he pushes himself in this position. I can not describe it otherwise than in my two exs, he somehow knows what hurts me and is able to circumnavigate it, whether instinctively or otherwise which he has never really hurt me. We understand each other, it is indescribable, it must be something like my soul brother.
He simply is what I always desired, he has a soft core and the "hard" estimate as far as I can. Romatnisch is, but I'm sure he can be rough. That's what I've always wanted - someone who both has united in himself. So to speak, the combination of my (again) and my best friend R-Ex. And I'm sure I've found this combination in him now. He is younger than everyone else but it appears to me more than many with whom I contact used have. When most I would say. He is a - perhaps the - most important person in my life has become, within the last three days. I cling to him more than anyone else. What increases my fear of losing him a lot. I do not know how I could cope with the loss.

Letter Welcoming To Church

I laughed inwardly or on notification of a planned rampage in Thun. A fifteen-year-old vocational school students apparently believed by his threat (20:12:07 massacre) he had a holiday extension. Ridiculous. He soiled the legacy of Reb and Vodka and verunglimpflicht not last, any future school Massa notch skiers / inside. Alone the fact that he used the word "massacre" is evidence of his lack of Inteligenz.
As mentioned, I laughed inwardly at this wannabe, when I realized with a new shock, but how terrible people are. It is an insult to any self-thinking, be insulted as a person. 4% in Switzerland are under protection. LEAN 4%! Thanks to our climate warms up the **** and so many emigrate extinct in Switzerland or domestic birds. We create a few thousand years, what has made no other being since the dawn of the world - to destroy the very! Oh yes, it really is glorious to be a man!