is the moment everything topsy-turvy. I would like to make to get to (because I really MUST!) - And it does not do. wash of the simplest things like hair I have to force myself! I will eat all day without even a single time to be hungry. To always weaker cold cough is to completely illogical. I should write some mails for weeks now, take me ever before, but never made. Next Wednesday I shall meet my father again, yay Re (irony). My days herald on to do without. My teeth are always sensitive, my hair matted and lose their luster. At least my nose is finally getting better. It come all the time back to work. My-lost friend is back and I do not care. However, what is the worst would be the real thing with my girlfriend. Yesterday she read my last entry. What I wanted the least! Had I been able, he would have been closed to them. But this is not possible here. And so is the inevitable happened: she is injured. I can not and would not take it amiss. I'm not angry - it can not so anything for my stupidity einzuberechnen that she possibly reads - Or even injured. I'm just so sorry. And I do not know how I can make up for it. I think I can
it does not. It is done. Another scar on the soul. I know any more than I can help it. One of the things they do in the last entry ... it will hurt again be discussed. And again. And again. But how to prevent it does not see it? I can tell her badly, she should not read this and that and the next! But I will not hurt! I think it hurts me as much, they suffer to see how they feel this themselves.
I hope you read this some manner if Wirsch probably would read ... if mol widr schmöker native to mim Journal. But I hope that the Mach Ziit Dene in the conflict. Well ... conflict actuality sized net. You Weischer, wienis mine. Ha I only say no Wöll that tuet mer genuinely sorry. Dassi never never never never Wöll ha! Woni vo the vosteckte Journalitrag gredet ha denne actuality net, so go gohsch were reading. In opposite part, I ha d'considered possible net, that it würdsch do. While I use the other de Itrag gschriebe ha mer manner by short head gears, that the moles were reading wirsch. But I ha demit grächnet that up denne no mind severally least some daily e vogönd, vilicht growth! I dream niemols mer size: lo that on Possible würdsch days go ... It feels sorry for mer alli Schmärze, woni the ready. I know you seisch z'tue it Hätti nüt with mer. I know how you meinsch au. But still ... fühli me guilty. Love me net table, you hättisch Schmärze the net, and you würdsch me love Wennie net net would be so, wienie be. So I'm indiräkt "blame". Tell mer net, it wäri net so, for the net de severally wrote what reason. I want me au net voteidige. I will only Iblick in mini lag geh I see de LIID. And jedesmol, woni know you weinsch, I can mitweine. But jedesmol woni knows that weigh mer weinsch, dies parts e vo mim This World. It regenerates if any resist, such as wound heal and form depending on the scar. I would net that weigh mer weinsch I denne genuine net'd be better. I mean, I love me and everything, but I yield de Cumulative idea that I love öpper woni voursach suffering. And jo, I love us, but mini Liebi manner uf fründschaftlicher basis. But I'd like any more than that if you mer voschwiigsch weinsch. For how could sölli Fettnäpfle umgoh, Wennie ehri position net mark? (Horrible, I now Fascht be at the case ... what must now au grad no One Blood run: '()
I will prepare the wiiterhin grief, wiiterhin Schmärze is vorsache, ohni it z'wölle me and I will jedesmol defu hate. hesch You set me geschter with dim that it is better wäri, Wennie goh overall presentation, net voletzt. You hesch mer only shows how insensitive I be. I dänkt ha net Emol dramatic that mini Awäseheit de schmärze can. I do net know what, you gseit hesch that both de schmärzt - with mer z'schriebe s'sälbige net and do. What do sölli? Söttsch what you do? I think I'll be nonie Sun volore gsi, nonie so uncertain. The Ziit with, sit ego gwüsst ha, ha biforis gwüsst, severally actually for me öppis beautiful gsi. I think I z'schriebe ha nonie sit em Robi Sun druf blankt with öpperm. Net mitm Metal Head, with net mim Bescht Fründ. Nevertheless glichziitig sized e Ziit gsi MI MSN ... are in this e-Ava often schwarzi Flächi gsi manner. And I sit on erschte Mol Wed laptop ha ischs em Hintergrundbild glich ergange. Mi Laptop isch schwarz. Ich weiss net wieso, es isch e Ziit in däre ich nüt vostand, in däre ich Unsicherheit in jedem Bluettropfe vo mer spür, alles vo Unwüsseheit durchtränkt isch. Melancholie stoht hinter jedem Lache voborge. Ich vomiss de, du bisch scho über e halbi Stund z'spot. Villicht kunnsch usem gliche Grund net grad online, us welchem ich in Angscht erzittere. Ich ha kum je so viel Bamel vor eim Online-ko ka, doch ich has sälte so erwartet wie jetzt. Und im Moment hani mega Angscht, dass nüme kunnsch. Dass dini Angscht no grösser isch als mini.
Ich ka do nüm wiiterschriebe. Ich ha eifach d'Rueh nüm, d'Kraft. Doch glaub mer öppis, brucht it more than that to us z'entzweie vo mer her. Du bisch no more beschti Fründin mini, mini wahri Fründin, I know net what do ohni there. I de fracture. If de frogsch, worumi all no Thurs, wrote a mail as mail hesch du sized private. But e mail ka volore goh. If DI PC crashes when you Tues password voliersch when öpper bi ine the chops. But do, in Journal mim, do severally so long to MI glescht profile. Thurs sized long enough to de vo itrag another hand is eliminated. Thurs sized so long to e vo Serverabsturtz's Live Journal, wave erases everything. Thurs sized Fascht henceforth infinity.
I know to write anything. I feel exhausted, zerstörrt on the ground, crippled and sick unto death. Pains me every fiber of my body, the loneliness is like a monster on me.
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